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Non, je ne regrette rien.
Vous,légionnaires,vous êtes soldats pour mourir,et je vous envoie où l’on meurt!
Recent Entries 
1st-Jun-2011 12:29 am(no subject)
I wonder if I should stop watching and reading the news entirely. The last year or so has been rough on my blood pressure. I've always disliked people in general. I can't remember a time in my life where I thought "I like people". It went from dislike to "Yep. Hate the bastards". In the last few months, I've gone from passive weak misanthropy to a rather aggressive misanthropic nihilism.

I wish I could found my own country. The immigration laws would be so motherfucking strict.
31st-May-2011 01:12 pm(no subject)
About a week ago, Mom & Dad started talking about pools. I have no idea what brought it on or how they were going to afford it D: Dad ordered it today. I'm so excited because I NEVER get to swim. If public swimming pools weren't 80% piddle and fecal coliform bacteria, I'd probably do it more often. ladydeldamned2 and I were swimming in a pool in Myrtle Beach back in 2000, and some stupid kid took a shit in the pool. I never entirely got over that o_o

It's above ground, 24' in diameter and 52" deep.

Mom: That's pretty big. We're going to look like huge rednecks.
Me: You're worried our redneck neighbours will think we're rednecks.
Mom: Well...
Me: Yee fuckin' haw.
27th-May-2011 07:09 am(no subject)
I'm hoping to get the fuck out of Glen Alpine tonight. I asked Mom if we could go eat in Hickory tonight so I can get some Marvy Le Plume II brush pens at AC Moore since mine are drying out. Olive Garden was brought up as well. Yummm. :D
25th-May-2011 12:52 pm - do not want!
See that cat's face? That's the face I made when the Doc said I'll have to have a spinal tap to check for multiple sclerosis. Yes, the prospect of a needle in my back scares me more than the possibility of MS. I asked Dad what his felt like, and he said it "hurt like a sumbitch". Thaaanks Dad. I feel much better now!

I had made up a list of all my symptoms (for the second time) and there was a bunch of new shit on there this time. I'm really concerned about a couple of them. For one, my throat feels weak. Also I've been falling the fuck over for no reason. Both of those are fairly new happenings.

Something positive? I started taking Clomipramine a few weeks ago and I have noticed a slight shift in my mood, for the better.
23rd-May-2011 10:51 pm - I keep forgetting to post.
I am seeing a new head shrinker for the first time on June 5th. This one is a "Neuropsychologist", and while I'm not entirely certain what the difference is, I've been told he is a nice fellow. I was referred to him by Miccah, and that's the only reason I'm going. Miccah is the only person whose judgment in people that I trust.

I've been anhedonic for going on 7 years now and no one has even tried to help, not ONE doctor, psychologist or psychiatrist. I tell them and they just don't want to deal with it, I guess. They're more focused on my so-called "Asperger's Sydrome" which I don't believe I actually have. Not everyone who is socially awkward has Asperger's. Seriously, I think it's just another flavour of the week diagnosis, like ADD was when I was a kid. Load 'em up with Ritalin, they'll be fine. They want to get you out of their hair as quickly as possible, at least that's how I see it. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and a personality trait is just that...a personality trait. What I mean is, I don't give a gnat's ass about the supposed Asperger's.

I'm much more worried about the fact that the dopamine receptors in my brain seem to have blown a fuse.

I've been sleeping a LOT. I have gone through phases before where I was sleeping almost 16 hours of a day. I'd get up and be dead tired again within a few hours. I am falling apart. I'm sorry to be so negative, but I really needed to vent. It's all been catching up with me as of late. So tired :(

Anyhoo. I am hoping to have a dog of my own soon. I'm looking for a German Shepherd puppy.
28th-Apr-2011 06:48 pm(no subject)
Last night was some scary shit. Mom and Dad went to bed at 10, and I, as usual, could not sleep. I told them I'd wake them up if we had a tornado warning. I kept weather.com's severe weather alerts for NC up on my computer and had it reload every 35 seconds. So every few minutes I'd peek at it. I sort of figured it was coming because there'd be tornado warnings for 3 counties over, then 2, then 1. My cat had the right idea; he was in the closet all night :O Yeah, we don't have a basement. Anyhow, the warning popped up and I woke my parents. Over the next hour or so, we were watching and listening. I peeked out the window and I swear that was some scary shit. It was 2 AM so I could not see much at all. I heard that sound, the freight train noise, and a low rumble that went on and on. I saw some things that did not look right. Not sure how else to explain it. And yeah, I was no doubt an idiot for not taking immediate cover.

It was a REAALLLY fast-moving storm, it was traveling at 50 mph or something.

I finally was able to sleep at 7am. I just woke up a little while ago, and Mom told me that our neighbours across the street saw a tornado touch down. It was behind the trees behind their house. I couldn't see it, but I sure as hell heard it.

All these storms coming through the Southeast...just LAST NIGHT 266+ people were killed, mostly in Alabama. 20+ people killed in NC in the one before. I already gave $10 to Red Cross and $10 to Salvation Army, thanks to the awesomeness of being able to donate via text message.

Tornadoes Devastate South, Killing at Least 266
Tornado Disaster: How to Help
27th-Apr-2011 04:15 am(no subject)
Terrible storms here tonight. I swear I felt the ground shake!
19th-Apr-2011 12:39 am(no subject)
Tomorrow I get a whole day with my Mom in Asheville :D I must schlep around from head-shrinker to pill-pusher first, though. Also I'm seeing a new pill-pusher, since my last one left. I hope I don't hate him. It's difficult enough for me to build rapport with psychologists & psychiatrists without them passing me around like a hot potato. Eh.

I got new glasses today. I had opted not to get the crisal (or wtf ever it's called) anti-reflective coating on my lenses this time, because I didn't think it actually did anything. When I put them on I realized I could see the reflection of my own eyeball, and that's just creepy. I wonder if I can still have that stuff added to my lenses? :\
14th-Apr-2011 09:24 pm - Rundown of the week :B
I spent the night at Aunt Karen's on Friday. I was supposed to stay Saturday night and most of Sunday, but I got ill. This is why I can't stay over at friends houses ^^;;; I think this explains it best;

That's right. Only at home.

TMI?? D:

Also, golfball sized hail. We've been getting pounded by bad storms, which I never expect and I always have my bedroom window open. It soaked half my bed before I could shut it XD

Uncle Dale showed up Tuesday, so he and dad could go to Uncle Sonny's funeral, which was today. He had a full police officer's ceremony. I'm not sure what they do at those, but dad took videos.

Otherwise, I got my design site up: http://reddustdesign.com not done, obviously. Karen said she would help with the business end, because I suck at that sort of thing. So hey, if anyone needs any design work...XD

I might be going to stay with Karen for a week in Knoxville, so I need to get around my bathroom issues. D:
5th-Apr-2011 09:31 am - Writer's Block: Dear LiveJournal
How long have you been on Livejournal? What major life changes has LiveJournal witnessed?

I have been on LJ since late 2001. I was 16 and in 10th grade when I made my first journal. I will be 26 later this month.

Livejournal has witnessed a number of events in my life, both good and bad. Getting my Highschool diploma, my Grandpa dying, the beginning and end of friendships...

My first LJ has seen a lot, which is why I decided to start fresh with a new account. I hope this one sees more good than bad.
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